Hozay In Hollywood

With roughly 7 weeks left until the California Gubernatorial Primary, the Surprise and Cocktail Party Candidate is already assembling his incoming administration, interviewing potential hacks and flunkies. British Preppy Punk Rocker Dead Lewis and the lads make an endorsement and Hozay's Brother attempts to get his self published book on sandwich making reviewed by the New York Times.

This weeks' episode sums up the current status of Hozay Smith... political candidate, charity scammer, struggling 5ex worker and dysfunctional family member. He has recommitted himself to the pursuit of graft, corruption and bribery as a potentially elected, high level official, knowing that elective political office is his only real hope of securing great wealth as well as the feeling of importance.

The Surprise Party and the Cocktail Party candidate for "Gubernor" (Govenor) laments the cancellation of the debate that had been scheduled for Tuesday, but proudly introduces his media campaign, albeit providing modest exposure. Rumors about discovery of a cure for jock itch by a competitor circles his own sad excuse for a foundation and Hozay joyfully regales us with his viewing of PBS programming once again without donating.

This week finds the California Gubernatorial Candidate sidelined with an inflamed and recurring case of jock itch, yet buoyed by the knowledge he would have the California National Guard at his disposal, should Idaho raise the price on potatoes.  An immediate mobilization of the guard to insure Californians don't go hungry would be a top priority. Malibu resident Bob Dylan ends his silence on the meaning of some of his most famous lyrics, and Hozay recalls an incident with a close personal friend, the late Paul Newman.

Efforts to get Hozay Smith on the ballot for California Governor/Gubernor continue with fading results. Offer from The Cocktail Party to be their candidate is stalled, unsure of calling himself the Cocktail-Surprise candidate or the Surprise-Cocktail Party candidate. British preppy punk rocker Dead Lewis and his band Puss, Mucus and Phlegm offer up a tribute to the late Ayatollah.  And this St. Patrick's Day offers little chance that Hozay will capture a leprechaun, thus losing out on winning his pot of gold.

The Surprise Party candidate for California Gubernor is stunned when party leaders of The Cocktail Party chase him down and offer money and power if he will switch his political allegiance, But rather than campaigning, Hozay spends a healthy portion of this past week watching police and courtroom videos on YouTube, putting special emphasis on videos where the police turn a K9 officer on a suspect, watching endlessly and laughing as the dogs chew on arms and legs like they are a soup bone.

The Surprise Party candidate for California Gubernor realizes if he's off to some exotic location at taxpayers' expense, he won't be around to collect his share of graft, corruption and bribery available as a birthright to all politicians in the Golden State.  He also celebrates his brothers' re-election as President of the Beverly Hills Street Gang, tasked with protecting their turf from street toughs from Brentwood and Bel Air.

This week the Surprise Party candidate for Governor/Gubernor works on an advertising slogan, and announces that his fledgling National Jock Itch Foundation is holding a raffle to raise money, so the soon-to-be-built palatial headquarters can include Italian marble floors.  Actually finding a cure for jock itch will have to wait.  Until that time the foundation recommends over the counter creams and lotions for temporary relief of the itching and burning.

The Surprise Party has added a political consultant (of sorts) to help direct Hozay's candidacy for Gubernor.  A distant brother offers to donate his body to science, and Hozay openly admits he watches some programs on PBS and doesn't donate.

This week the reality of the competition for the charitable dollar hits Hozay like a cold, cruel, punch in the face, once confronted with more worthy causes.  He also learns that his National Jock Itch Foundation has competition from the newly formed American Jock Itch Foundation, and his dream of Italian marble floors in the proposed NJIF headquarters is in serious jeopardy.  However, his quest to become California's next chief executive is full speed ahead, and he reiterates yet again that once elected, he simply can't be bothered with whatever problems face his constituents. He believes that, "All problems eventually solve themselves."